"Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life." -Psalm 139:23-34
To ask God to search you is humbling. To submit your life to his path is troubling. Why? Because my flesh desires the opposite of God's path. My flesh feeds on pride, bitterness, anger, fear and anxiety. To ask God to search you and rid you of these things, will cost you. What does it cost? Your life. I am on a mission to let Jesus rid me completely of the world and be left only with the spirit of God and the person He created me to become.
God has told me he wants to teach me unconditional love (rid me of conditional love), but in order to do that, I will get hurt. I will be torn up and spit out by the ones I care for and the people I love most. But I will stand strong and planted in the affirmation that I receive from the Lord. I will be able to show this kind of love not on my own strength, but through the unconditional love that my God shows me. And the most beautiful part about love and vulnerability is that I will experience freedom and life and every emotion that comes with it.
From what I have found, you cannot shutoff emotions. If you try to numb the hurt in one area of your life, you will numb the joy on the opposite side. I cannot pick and choose what I will feel, it is either all off or all on. Therefore, I choose to be all on and will do my best to learn how to love unconditionally. No matter the pain this may bring, if I face the pain and hurt with the Lord, I will be stronger on the other side.
Please Lord, point out anything in my life that offends you and lead me along the path of everlasting life.